Understanding Your "Window of Tolerance" – Especially Important This Time of Year

Hi everyone!

As we move through the end of the year—with all the celebrations, gatherings, expectations, and emotions that come with it—I wanted to share a concept that has truly been life-changing for me. Maybe it will resonate with you too.

It’s called the "window of tolerance." 🙌🏼 ✨

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

At its core, the window of tolerance refers to the range of stress or emotional intensity you can manage before feeling overwhelmed or shutting down. It’s like your personal capacity to handle what life throws at you on any given day.

When you’re well-rested, nourished, and emotionally balanced, your window is wider—you can take on more, handle challenges with ease, and stay grounded. But on days when you're tired, stressed, or your basic needs aren't fully met, that window narrows. That’s when even “small” things can feel huge, triggering, or just too much.

Why This Matters?

Knowing about your window of tolerance can be incredibly empowering. It gives you a tool to check in with yourself throughout the day. You can ask:

• How’s my window of tolerance today?

• Am I feeling more sensitive or reactive than usual?

• What can I do today to nurture my nervous system?

• How can I communicate my needs when I notice I’m outside my window?

• What boundaries or routines could help me maintain balance this week?

• Am I giving myself grace when I notice I’m struggling?

  
  

When you recognize that your window is smaller, you can give yourself permission to slow down, say no, reschedule things, or take extra care of yourself. And when your window is wide open, you can lean into that energy and get more done—without guilt.

It’s Not About Perfection, It’s About Connection

This isn’t about doing it all, all the time. It’s about staying connected to yourself and honoring where you’re at. Some days, showing up as your best self might look like tackling a long to-do list. Other days, it might mean simply resting, nourishing yourself.

Learning about the window of tolerance helped me stop judging myself for being “off” on harder days. Instead, I started recognizing those moments as cues to listen to my body and adjust accordingly. I think it’s especially important to share this small tool now, with the upcoming holidays, since these dates can bring a lot of pressure—both internal and external.

Using this tool might look like this: you wake up and your day starts with something unexpected—maybe your car needs a quick repair, or a deadline pops up at work.… It may seem like a normal day, but each of those moments can take up space in your window of tolerance. Ideally, you pause and ask yourself: How much of my window of tolerance did that take? What does the rest of my day look like now? What can I do to replenish? Maybe it’s a 10–30 minute break, a short meditation, a cup of tea, or a quick chat with a friend.

Basically, this concept helps you avoid abandoning or gaslighting yourself. It reminds you to prioritize your needs and be extra gentle with yourself when you need it.

—I want to add as well that if these dates aren’t happy or festive for you, that alone can take up a big part of your window of tolerance. Emotionally, you may not feel like celebrating while everyone around you is. For some people, the season brings joy, but for others it may be a reminder of loss, distance from family, or simply a time that doesn’t spark happiness. And that’s okay. 🥹

If that’s the case for you, I hope you can take a moment to gently check in with yourself and see what might make this time feel even a little bit softer. And please remember: asking for help is okay. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry your pain by yourself.

Support can look like booking a session with a therapist, reaching out to a friend you trust, or choosing to spend the holidays in a way that truly nourishes you. It might also mean lovingly setting boundaries and letting people know that this season isn’t easy for you, so they don’t unintentionally add pressure. Something as simple as:“Hey, thank you for wanting to include me. These dates are tender for me, so it would really help if I could have a bit more space around all of it.”

And remember: you don’t have to celebrate the way everyone else is celebrating. There are gentle, non-traditional  ways to move through this season that can feel more aligned with where you are emotionally. For example:

💛 A beach or lake day — sitting in the sun, swimming, reading under an umbrella.

💛 A picnic by yourself or with someone safe — simple food, fresh air, no pressure.

💛 A long walk at sunset — letting the warmth and colors soothe your nervous system.

💛 A “slow morning” ritual — iced coffee, stretching, journaling, staying unplugged.

💛 A nature escape — visiting a park, going on a light trail, lying in the grass.

💛 A creativity afternoon — drawing, writing, making something with summer energy.

💛 A “celebrate yourself” day — doing one thing that makes you feel alive or grounded.

💛 A volunteering moment — helping others can bring gentle meaning during tough times.💛 A chosen-family gathering — a small, chill hangout with people who feel safe.

💛 A “no-holiday” day — ignoring the celebration entirely and just doing what feels right.

Whatever your version looks like, it’s valid. Your way of moving through this time is more than enough.

If any of this resonates with you, I hope it brings a little clarity, comfort, or warmth into your day. We’re human—not machines—and our capacity shifts from moment to moment.

Understanding your window of tolerance can become a gentle companion, helping you navigate both the chaotic and the calm with compassion for yourself. 💛

I hope this post brought you a little closer to yourself— to your needs, your rhythms, and your inner wisdom. You deserve to meet each day with compassion, whether it’s a day full of energy or one that calls for rest.

Thanks for being here, wishing you a full of magic and blessings New year and Yule 💫

with Love and Light,

Giuliana